Is it all for nothing?
by flamin-fleeballz
Summary: This really is drama! things take an unexpected turn. I will R&R you if you R&R me, Abbys POV
1. Stay away im mad at you!

~* Is it all for nothing? *~  
  
Soppy romance fiction maybe you'll like it maybe you wont! in practise for my creative writing at school. maybe i will tweak it i dont know. For ER lovers only!! and you have to love Carter and Abby! they are so meant to be!  
  
Abby splashed the ice cold water over her face and looked in the mirror, her hair wet and tangled. As Abby dried her hair and began to put on her make-up, she glanced at the clock '6:45' "I'm gonna be late" she sighed to herself She pulled on her nurses uniform and hurried into the kitchen, she didn't have time for breakfast these days, she'd have to grab a bagel on the way.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Hey Abby" John Carter called from across the street. "Oh great" Abby sighed, she smiled and waved. Carter ran over the road to where Abby was stood at the bagel counter. "Listen Abby" Carter began "I think we need to talk about what happened" "Fine Carter, we'll talk" Abby replied moodily, she wasn't really a morning person anyway so to be confronted with problems at 7:00pm wasn't really abby's thing. "Ok, so shall I come round later when we've both finished work?" Carter said pursuasivly "Fine Carter" Abby said. Abby began to walk away from the bagel stall and from Carter, Abby wasn't sure of her feelings for Carter anyway but just lately he'd been acting strange, and then two nights ago they had been out, got very drunk, and, well one thing led to another. "Abby please don't walk away" Carter said, in dismay "I know your mad and you have every right to be, but i do really love you" It was hard for Abby to stay mad at Carter when he was trying his best to be kind and loving to her. "Look, Carter, I really dont think we should talk about this now, I'm mad but not at you, more at myself, anyway, come round tonight and we'll talk" She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and then walked away.  
  
There you go. A very short Chapter one. Tell me if you like it and want more!!!  
  
XXX Feebzy XXX 


	2. Stop pushing people away

~*Is it all for nothing*~  
  
Chapter two.  
  
Didn't take long guys but i wanted to get a bit more so you would be able to get a proper look and tell me wether it is going anywhere.  
"Abby your late - again" Kerry Weavers voice shrilled above the hustle and bustle that was the county general ER  
  
"Yeah, sorry about that Kerry, you know how it is" Abby sighed rolling her eyes.  
  
"Don't let it happen again Abby" Kerry said rushing past Abby, nearly knocking her over  
  
"Bagel?" Said Frank as Abby made her way over to the reception area  
  
"No Frank, Do i really look like i want to put myself through the torture of eating one of your mouldy old bagels, I spend enough time in this place as it is. I wouldnt willingly put myself in here" Abby Snapped, aware of the feeling of tension that surrounded her.  
  
"Geez, I'm sorry Abby" Frank said looking quite hurt at the offence to his bagels.  
  
Abby sighed and walked away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
In the Staff lounge Abby was greeted by the familiar smell of the sludge they called coffee, it wasn't good but it did the trick, pouring herself a cup she thought about the mess that was her life. Abby didn't know what to do, she was caught in the middle of two men who she adored but in totally different ways, Abby wanted both but she knew she had to make a decision.  
  
"Hey Abby" said Susan walking over to where she was stood Abby moved over to the table and took a seat with a sigh  
  
"Everything ok?" Susan asked, concerned  
  
"Not really" Abby replied matter-of-factly.  
  
"Love life?" Susan enquired  
  
"Yeah how did you guess?" Abby said rattily. She wasnt meaning to be moody with Susan, it just, sort of, happened. Abby put it down to jealousy, with the whole Carter, Susan thing, She didnt really want to be discussing her problems with Carter with his ex.  
  
"I'll um...leave you to it" Susan said wearily. She poured herself a cup of coffee and then left. This made Abby feel even worse.  
  
"Why do i push everyone away?" she said to herself  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
After her encounter with Susan, Abby felt she should apologise, but as she wasnt really in the mood right there, she invited susan round to her place for a drink the following evening, she planned to apologise and maybe try to get to know Susan. She hadnt really given her a chance and she needed a girlfriend to confide in, after all, she didnt have her mother and she was feeling quite low.  
  
"Yeah sure Abby, You need to talk?" Susan said when Abby invited her over  
  
"Yeah i hope you dont mind" Abby replied  
  
"No of course not Abby, your a friend right, friends are there for each other, what time?" she replied with a smile  
  
"around 7?" Abby replied, just managing a slight grin  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Ok there's a little more for you to be going on with for now. Let me know if u think im doing good! 


	3. Apologies, thoughts and revelations

Chap 3  
  
Abby recoiled into her Jacket as the wind blew bitterly; she approached Susan's door and knocked gently.  
  
"Hey Abby" Susan said kindly, opening the door for Abby to enter. "Hi Susan" Abby said awkwardly, as she took off her coat. Abby made her way through to the kitchen area where Susan was already boiling the kettle "You want a coffee?" Susan said "You got anything stronger?" Abby half laughed "Yeah sure" Susan said, oblivious to the danger of re-uniting Abby with alcohol "Here catch" Susan smiled, throwing a beer across the kitchen in Abby's direction, Abby smiled uneasily and popped the lid of the beer with her teeth.  
  
After the awkward silences had been overcome Abby began to speak but was cut off by Susan  
  
"Look Abby, I know we've hardly been best friends lately but I hope you would never think of me as an enemy, I would just like you to know that I am here for you whenever you wanna talk? Okay?" Susan said sincerely.  
  
"Susan, wait, I think this whole thing is my fault."  
  
"No way" Susan interrupted "how could it be anyones fault?"  
  
"I've been a complete bitch" Abby continued "I've had Maggie to deal with, and Carter and Luca, I've not had time for anyone else and I didn't give you a chance or make you feel welcome when you came back to the ER, it's all my fault" Abby said, she felt awkward being put in positions like this, she wasn't much good at showing her emotions, and she felt insecure when she did.  
  
"Abby, I." Susan began to say something but Abby interrupted quickly  
  
"don't say anything" Abby said "I've been in the wrong and I know it, I've been possessive over John and I've been wrong" She said gulping her beer  
  
Later that night, Susan called Abby a cab, she was in no fit state to go home alone. The women had reached a mutual agreement and had had a girls night in, getting drunk and sharing tales of past experiences, ex-boyfriends and wild parties. Susan felt as if she'd known Abby all her life.  
  
The next morning abby woke with a stinking headache.  
  
"Oh god" She groaned. As she buried her head in her pillow, she thought back to the previous night, she had succumbed to the temptation of alcohol and she was disappointed with herself for being so weak, she decided to tell Susan, after all they were now friends. Abby looked over at her clock, it was 5:30am, almost time to get up for her shift. She lay on her back and began daydreaming until the abrupt call of her alarm brought her back to reality, She groaned and got out of bed, pulling on her Chinese dressing gown her mom had bought her for her last birthday.  
  
Abby was watching the morning news in the kitchen when there was a knock at the door.  
  
"Abby" John Carter said breathlessly when she opened it "I have something I need to tell you" "What?" Abby said taken aback, she opened the door wider to let John in "Now isn't a good time to 'talk', John" Abby said "Abby.I.I.I love you" John said bashfully  
  
There you go! Enough for you so far! Please R&R 


	4. Will Love save him? Can he be saved at a...

Will love save him?  
  
Will love save John Carter? Can he be saved?  
Abby had been taken aback by John's shocking news that morning so as she headed towards the ER she had a lot on her mind.  
  
"Abby!" Susan called above the hustle and bustle of the tube station  
  
Abby turned around quickly and caught sight of Susan running through the crowds to meet her  
  
"Hey Susan" Abby said miserably as Susan caught up to her  
  
"What's up Abby?" Susan inquired  
  
Abby thought about telling Susan but she was reluctant, after all John was her ex.  
  
"Oh nothing, I'm just tired and a little hung-over" Abby lied wearily  
  
"Yeah me too" Susan said more cheerily than was to be expected by a hung- over physician at 7am  
  
Abby and Susan made their way to County General, arm in arm, relaying the previous night's events, as they approached the ER they gasped in amazement at the sight which stood before them  
  
20 or so fire engines were outside the ER, lights blazing and horns beeping, the ER was roaring in flames, news reporters helicopters were circulating the area and people were screaming. Abby's expression changed from one of slight happiness to one of utter amazement and shock, she stood there for a second awe-struck and then remembered.  
  
"Oh shit, John!" She cried, bursting into floods of tears, she ran towards the ER doors but was held back by two fire fighters.  
  
"I'm sorry Ma'am but you can't go in there" One of them said, he was an African American and he had a wonderful chocolate brown skin colour, Abby looked into his eyes and for a split second felt like everything would be okay, he made her feel at ease. She felt a tingle in her spine and she snapped back to reality  
  
"But I have to" She said urgently "My.my.boyfriend is in there, I'm a nurse, I work here, I need to know that he is okay"  
  
"I'm so sorry ma'am, we're doing everything we possibly can, we already have evacuated a lot of people, If he's been injured he might be In another hospital" The man replied. His voice flowed like velvet and his eyes were a walnut brown. Abby felt her knees tremble under her and she fell back into his arms, the second fire-fighter took her feet and they carried her to an empty gurney where she sat for a moment before leaping up and running over to Susan.  
  
"What's going on Abby?" Susan said, tears welling in her eyes.  
  
"I, I don't know" Abby said tearfully.  
  
At that moment the chocolate skinned fire-fighter walked across to Abby and Susan and said kindly  
  
"Excuse me ma'am but I have my car around the corner, if you want to take it to find your boyfriend, it's the blue Audi." he handed over the keys and walked away.  
  
"Thankyou sir" Abby called after him, they ran around the corner, desperately seeking the car, when they found it Abby jumped into the driving seat and thought about which hospital to go to.  
  
"St Helens, just at the other side of town" Susan said helpfully realising Abby might need a little help. Susan thought about asking who her 'boyfriend' was but realised it might not be such a good time.  
  
The usual 15 minute journey across town, took a desperate Abby 7 and a half, her foot was close to the floor for the entire journey. As they pulled up outside the hospital Abby wiped away a stray tear and jumped out of the car. She ran inside the hospital and shouted at the receptionist  
  
"John Carter, Do you have a John Carter?"  
  
"That way" the receptionist said solemnly pointing towards a trauma room. "You'll have to wait in reception," He added quickly.  
  
Abby ran towards the trauma room and peered through the glass window, 3 nurses and two doctors were working on him. Abby thought for a second about going in but she couldn't bring herself to move, She just stood peering through the glass. John looked so helpless, Abby wanted to go in there, and she desperately wanted to tell John that she loved him too, but she couldn't. Abby began to sob uncontrollably and as Susan walked over Abby ran to her and hugged her tight, she needed a shoulder to lean on.  
  
Okay, If you do or don't like this chapter tell me, I might not go with it; it's just a tester! Sorry to leave it on such a.dramatic note, but I had to, Sorry SHOA*! 


	5. The patter of tiny feet

Chapter 5  
"How is he?" Abby said worriedly.  
  
"He is still critical we can tell you more later" replied the Doctor.  
  
"Oh god" Abby replied tearfully  
  
"Do you want to go see him?" Asked the Doctor "He's unconscious but he might be able to hear you"  
  
"Yeah I do" Abby replied. She went over to tell Susan and asked her if she wanted to see him too  
  
"No thanks Abby, I'll let you two have some time alone" Susan said sincerely  
  
Abby walked through the sliding doors to the trauma room where Carter lay looking so peaceful if it wasn't for the tubes sticking out of him. She walked over to him and pulled up a stool, she felt so exhausted and weary now, and she had spent 6 hours in reception waiting for him to be stabilised at least a little. Now she was actually here with him alone, she began to speak to him, and it all came flooding out.  
  
"Oh Carter" She began "I know you're out of it and you probably cant hear me but I'm gonna speak to you anyway.I.uh.I don't know how to begin this, to be honest I don't even know what to say but I know I have to say something.I'm sorry about this morning.I should have given you a little more explanation.but see.the reason I cant.well the reason I don't want to become 'involved' with you.well this probably isn't the best time but I'll tell you anyway.oh god.what a mess.well.you remember when you and I.well we.got carried away? Well, I was late Carter, I.I think I'm pregnant.I should have told you this morning and now.well now you might never know."  
  
Abby began sobbing, she held John's hand close to her heart, put down her head and began to cry, she cried more than she had ever cried before. The one person who actually cared for her, the one person who told her he loved her and genuinely meant it, could die at any second. Abby felt as though the whole world was crumbling on top of her.  
  
Abby returned to the waiting room where Susan was sat anxiously.  
  
"Abby, how is he?" Susan asked giving her a sympathetic look.  
  
"I..uh..I don't know" Abby said. Her eyes were puffy and her face expressionless but she still had a look of great pain in her eyes, which Susan could see.  
  
"Lets take you home, I think you need to lie down" Susan said  
  
"Susan I am fine!" Abby protested, she wanted to stay with John.  
  
"Abby you have been through an awful lot today, let me take you home, you can have a shower and change and then ill bring you back here" Susan said persuasively.  
  
"Yeah okay" Abby sighed backing down.  
  
As they made their way to the front door Abby and Susan noticed a familiar face. The chocolate coloured fire fighter was back but this time in his normal clothing.  
  
"Hi, I came to see how your boyfriend is," Said the man  
  
"He's still critical, but he's a fighter" Susan replied seeing Abby was having difficulty dealing with the situation.  
  
"I'm sorry I never introduced myself, I'm Benjamin" Replied the fire fighter  
  
"Nice to meet you Benjamin" Abby said, mustering up the courage to speak  
  
"Nice to meet you too ma'am, call me Ben" Benjamin said politely  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Back at Abby's, Susan poured water into the kettle and turned to face Abby  
  
"You never told me you and Carter were dating" Susan said  
  
"We're.hmm.it's complicated" Abby stated  
  
"Too complicated to explain to a friend?" Susan asked politely  
  
"We slept together.and I'm." Abby broke down crying once again at the thought of giving birth to Carter's child and him not being around  
  
"You're not." Susan said, gobsmacked.  
  
"Yeah" Abby nodded  
  
"Oh dear." Susan said sympathetically. 


End file.
